- Don't send them mean notes.
- If they get into a relationship do everything you can to sabotage it. Give them bad relationship advice like: maybe you should talk more and make out less. Point out to them the obvious flaws in their partner. Use phrases like: If he/she really cared about you he/she would do this(insert something here). You may be reluctant to do this to one of your friends especially when one of them comes to you and tells you they've met the most amazing person and they've decided to get hitched. You may think to yourself, well as long as my friends are happy I'm happy. You might also think that bad things don't happen to good people. In both cases you'd be wrong.
- If they are thinking of moving away point out reasons why they should stay. Offer them bribes like cleaning their car or telling them jokes. If this doesn't work... well I don't know what you try then.
- Answer the phone when they call.
- Hang out with them and talk to them often. Somehow get them to be as emotionally attached to you as you are to them.
If all else fails and you feel them slipping away then there is only one thing to do... End it before they can. There is nothing quite as painful as losing someone slowly. It is better to end it quickly.
*This post contains some of the worst relationship advice ever conceived
5 comments:
Actually, I liked most of it. What does that say about my relationships?
This is so one of my favorite posts ever.
if you had offered to clean my car i would have stayed in utah.....who needs an excellent grad school when you have a clean car?
Uh, if only I'd known. I thought the "I will clean your car if you stay" was implied in the constant sobbing at your departure.
So Brooke, who do you think offered to clean the car, and who do think offered to tell jokes?
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