I Hate Sloths

Now I like most animals, except badgers, squirrels, anteaters, rats, mice, sea cucumbers, armadillos, possums, anything from the rodent family... okay so maybe 1/3 of the animal population I hate.  But one of the animals I hate the most is the SLOTH.

First of all they are ugly.  They have this weird head that doesn't come out of their body far enough, beady almost human eyes.  Their fur is disgusting.  They never clean it.  Claws for hands, oh yeah and they shriek when feeding or afraid.  Basically a sloth is a Koala Bear's evil cousin.

There seems to be a lot of pro-sloth propaganda floating around.  A lot of misinformation about the true nature of the sloth.  The other day my little brother was trying to convince me that sloths are nice animals.  I said to him, "What do you think the claws are for?" He said, "climbing trees." I replied, "Nope, what happens is you are wandering through the rainforest minding your own business when a sloth with drop on your back and slit your throat with their claws."  The reason no one has ever reported a sloth attack is because no one has ever survived.  They are that vicious.  They will lull you into a false sense of complacency.  You will think "Oh, they are so slow they will never attack me." wrong.

So be careful next time you are in the rainforests of Panama or even when you are going for a lazy swim across the Panama Canal, that's right, they can swim too.  They will reach out of the water with their hairy claw arm grab your ankle and pull you under the water. 

Don't say I didn't warn you.